pony

OK So I'm Back and Noone Cares

2007-07-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

I also got completely stymied as to how the fuck to spell noone. how does that happen? What has happened to me? Who stole my brain?

I had the kid 5 months ago which I could use as an excuse for not writing, except that my previous track record is so incredibly shitty. He's super cute and his name is Bennett. He's way cuter than your kid (if you have one [if there is a you and I'm not writing to an empty void])

Anyone from WTF reading? Hi! Maybe try reading from the oldest post to here so it makes whatever sense I'm actually capable of making. Don't worry there aren't many posts, I'm a slacker.

I don't have much to say today. Cheese actually yowls more these days because he's jealous of Bennett. To retaliate for all the attention Bennett gets at 2 in the morning Cheese wakes me up at 3 in the morning, which is just fantastic, because it's exactly an hour before Bennett wakes me up again. He gives me another perfectly timed Bennett warning at 5am, before B's 6am feed.

Gosh I just love that cat.

Here's a spartan apple. Talk amongst yourselves.

WTF?

2006-11-09T19:08:00.000-08:00

I was going to act all sad that no one noticed that I'd started writing again, but I realised how completely pathetic it would have been if anyone had. Phew!
So here I am, writing to an empty void again. For a while I know my sister was reading (because of the mocking comments) but I lost her after week 2 of not writing. Maybe I could teach Cheese to read. Then I'd have to pretend all those yowling comments were a joke. Probably wouldn't work. He's dumb but he's not THAT dumb.
Being pregnant makes you totally obsessed with being pregnant. I don't seem to have anything else to talk about. Surely I'm doing SOMETHING interesting. Not that I ever did before I guess.
I guess that means it's time for a meaningless picture:

So this isn't totally meaningless - the first on-topic pic I've chosen probably. Anyway it's not our baby - the thing is picking its fucking nose! Ours doesn't do that shit.

Someone commented (OK a lot of people have) that I'll "probably have to tone down all that swearing, huh?". I'm all like "fuck that shit" and then go home and cry. I've probably already ruined the baby.

OK something not all pregnancy: Britney! Oh thank god BRITNEY!
OK bye.

Katie Holmes Married a Garden Gnome

2006-11-03T11:40:00.000-08:00

We're going to ignore the fact that I've ignored my blog for 10 months.
I'm back! And although it will be less funny now I have a new thing to use my blog for. So I'll try and mix it up - the random crap comme d'habitude and then the whole I'm pregnant thing. Yeah so I'm pregnant. Yes it was on purpose, no we don't know what it is (waiting to find out) and no I can't think of anything funny to say about it. Damn.

So the cheeseball is freaking out because we're completely rearranging the whole house (due to the parasite - I mean that in the most loving way). Get this - he's meowing a lot. Yeah, YOWLING in fact. I know you're surprised because normally he - oh wait never mind.

Tomorrow or something I'll put up new Cheeser or Parasite pictures.... for now here's an eel.

See? It's like I never left!

For Hallowe'en I dressed up as Katie Holmes. I wore dark blue jeans, stilletto boots, a white blouse, big sunglasses, my pregnant belly and an alien baby doll bursting out of my stomach with tarantula legs and blood everywhere. Yes the alien baby doll lit up. Duh. I didn't get pictures though because I suck. Amos was a garden gnome. HA!

snif

2006-01-31T12:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sick. Again.
That totally pisses me off. Here's what being sick looks like at a molecular level:

So I'm going to start playing badminton with my sister, which of course lead me to look up badminton images on the ol www, and I found this ridiculously artsy photo:

A little over the top, don't you think?

I did.

Anyway, I'm too sick to think much more so I'm out.

My Thoughts are of Trumpets

2006-01-23T15:53:00.000-08:00

Because I bought one.

I figured that if there are signs banning it, the trumpet industry could really use my help.
My sis recommended better no trumpet pics... but I can't include the best one because the uploading doodad doesn't want to work. Part of an international trumpet conspiracy I bet.
Shit, I wonded if CESUS tracks trumpet sales!?!?!? I knew there was a reason I didn't trust Craigslist, that guy was totally a CESUS agent.
Actually, that's not so scary - what if he was a CIA agent! That would be scary. I could totally see the Americans justifying spying on trumpet sales in Canada. Lots of 911 guilt trips as per usual....
Anyway, I bought a trumpet. Cheap.

I look stupid playing it, but it's fun.

Telecommunications and Hampster Tipping

2006-01-11T10:42:00.000-08:00

So I thought I'd had it bad lately with dealing with phone companies. Amos and I bought a cell phone for my mother from a Bell store in Victoria, only to find out that it didn't work because they were having a glitch with certain numbers. We only found THAT out after hours spent on hold of course. Then, when my mother returned the phone they credited HER VISA instead of mine, so she knew how much we had spent. At work I had to return some equipment to telus, and spent hours on the phone to every department eventually being told to go down to the main Telus store. I did, and they put me on the phone again, since they don't take back commercial equipment. This was all very frustrating, but nowhere near as socially irresponsible as what I heard on CBC this morning:

A man belted his 10-month old child into his carseat this morning, and went back inside to get his three year old, and lock the door. When he turned around his car was gone. The police wanted to use the GPS signal from his car phone to track down his car, but when they called Sprint to do so they were informed that they needed to "fill in an application and send in $25.00" before receiving the information. They even got it on tape.

I've decided that as far ahead as we feel we've got with sidekicks and blackberries and TV on our phones, that not only do we not need any of that shit, but it's actually dragged us backwards. I mean, seriously, what the fuck?

OK that was enough of the unfunny stuff, back to the usual...

Todays' topic:

Hampster Tipping

How could anyone do this? I thought bonsai kittens was bad, but this is horrible!

Thanks to cute overload for the pic. That site is just mean....

Anyway, I've got other crap to write.

My Sis

2006-01-05T15:11:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I forgot to post this earlier. My sister is mad at me these days because she has photos of me on her blog, and there are none of her on mine. So, here you are Bronners, you know i love you (and your bun braids!)

New Directions [puke]

2006-01-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

I think puke could be a direction if you wanted it to be. One does say "I'm going to puke" [emphasis ed.]. If I were to have a new direction for this new year it would be towards puking. In general. Talking about puke, I have pretty much nothing to report. Thus the word vomit.

I want to get a trumpet, but there are those out there who apparently feel differently.
Idiots.

I'm Back. Kind of.

2005-11-23T10:46:00.000-08:00

Let's just pretend I post every day.

Anyhoo, here's today's news:

"Bats do not want to be in your hair! Dr. Tuttle of Bat Conservation International tried an experiment to test this fact, and could not get a bat to stay on the person's headeven though he wrapped the hair around the bat. It flew off as soon as he took his hand away! "

Crap, I can't format those pictures properly. Sorry it looks so lame, but at least they're funny.

I like bats because my sisters like bats. They sent me a very batty postcard from Berlin (or Batland), and covered it with incredibly intelligent baterisms, like:

"Bat, seriously"

"OK, let's not make it the bat of all jokes"

"Can't see a thing for all the damn bats"

and sent it to:

"The Batters"
[redacted]

[redacted]

See I redacted my own address to make myself look cooler. These are tricks of the trade here you know. You gotta know this shit if you're going to make it big like me (hey, I've had at LEAST 80 views in the last 8 months, so I know this shit man).

At least I capitalise my 'I's.

Not much new in Cheeser's world. He meows we feed him. He meows we let him in/out. He meows we pet him. He meows I tell him to shut the fuck up. He meows I apologise. He meows I put him outside. The cycle continues...

Books! I'm finally getting to read again. I just finished "Love, Time, Memory..." by Jonathan Weiner. It's about genetics, the origins of behaviour and other science crap. It was really good, it's kind of old (for science), but it's still pretty fascinating. I'm going to read his other one (Beak of the Finch?), because he writes well, and evolution is such a hot topic right now. If you're a geek.

Here's a link to a site I kind of don't really get, but it made me laugh...
Click here if you think you can handle something I find funny.

OK, that's it for today.

Holy Grumpmaster

2005-09-29T11:15:00.000-07:00

I'm so grumpy today I could snap the head off of a my little pony with my teeth.

I don't even want to go into why it is that I'm grumpy, because I'm SOOOO grumpy, suffice it to say it is all Amos' fault, and not mine. Nothing is ever my fault.

Even the cat doesn't seem worth the bother today.

And it's rainy all crappy out. Stupid rain. Stupid cat. STUPID VAN AND THE DUMB HORSE TI RODE IN ON.
argh.

this pretty much sums it up:

And this pretty much sums up my no-good boy:
(Stolen from Bronwen)

It's All About CHEESE

2005-09-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

And not the yummy kind.
Cheese is being very cute these days, now that we are holding him hostage at night. We want him to go out during the day and stay inside at night. Yes, yes we know he's nocturnal but he's a nocturnal BRAT and he wreaks havoc when he's out at night. That and he meows incessantly at 6:30 in the morning to be let in and fed. Fucker.
Anyway, here are some photos of the famous orange ratbag.

Here he's looking to be fed.

Here he's just finished yowling. That's why his face is blurry, all that fucking YOWLING.

OK OK, here's one of him not be annoying at all, and just looking cute.

Notice the giant mess he makes on the floor with all the food he drags us out of bed to get for him...

Aside from being a rotter Cheese is heavy and loud. And loud? I don't know if I mentioned loud.

but he's pretty awesome when it comes to:

silly games (if you like getting bitten)
yowling
sleeping (on your clean fuzzy jacket)
stealing your pillow (by pushing your head off with his "massaging" feet)
yowling

and a lot of other cat shit, like killing things, eating inappropriate things, rubbing against the legs of allergic neighbours etc.

Crap

2005-09-09T09:56:00.000-07:00

Oh man, I am SOOOOO hung over right now, that I thought I should just post this. That's how hung over I am. Which is very, by the way. Very hung over.

Cheese is loud when you're hung over. He doesn't just stop meowing when you can't handle that shit, he just keeps on a-meowing. He doesn't know you're hung over. He doesn't know what hung over means!

Dumb cat.

Yay! Street Art!

2005-08-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

Well I finally did it, I got it together, and totally wimped out! Rather than having some photos of street art in Vancouver here's a link to some amazing revolutionary street art by Banksy, who knows what he's doing. He's also teaching everyone a lesson in Israel/Palestine. I'm going to shoot some stuff on the weekend, now that I've done my research.

Well, to the list:

1. Today in banal stuff: Clocks

Is it cheating if it turns out that clocks are actually pretty cool? Maybe not clocks themselves, but their evolution? Guess it doesn't really matter as when it comes down to it clocks are really just our slavekeepers and we should destroy them all...

2. Cheese: Maybe He's not so Cute

When anything wakes me up early it puts them in the "not cute" category. little fucker.

3. As Always.

4. Books.

I don't have time to read. I just get to sleep these days. Hang in there.

Cheese, Shitter Extraordinaire

2005-08-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to skip over my usual other entries today and get right to yesterday's disgusting discovery. After leaving the cat locked in our house all day by accident (really! we didn't know he was inside), and in spite of the fact that we've provided Monsieur Fromage with a perfectly good litter box, Cheese made quite the statement. He shat (rather unhealthy shit at that) ALL OVER our BED. I got home at 10pm to this, and had to clean up after him. I wasn't mad or anything, since it was our fault, but yuck! What a thing to come home to...

I watched War of the Worlds last night with my sister, and didn't hate it! Guess Tommy boy was pretty excited to be battling all those thetans, I mean evil aliens...
Dakota Fanning is a master screamer. Even better than me... Or Macauley Culkin...

I have a plan for the street art. I know I've been talking about it for a while, but I've done some pretty awesome research and will have some great shots to make up for the delay. But of course I understand if you don't believe my promises any more...

Well, now that I'm here I might as well at least deal with the list:

1. Making a big deal out of banal things: Today: Killer Squirrels take on cyclists!

Oh MY GOD We are in FOR IT... All I know is we all better watch out! These guys have started on the problem, but I think we all need to be ON OUR GUARD... Just look at the fuckers!

Dangerous "Snow Squirrels" grow spikes out of their heads to use as dangerous whirling blades to cut their opponents to PIECES

2. How cute my cat cheese is: See Above (for how NOT cute the little shitter is)

3. As always, just accept it.

4. Looking for a new book, any thoughts? Lots of people have recommended David Sedaris, I guess he'll be next. I'm going to do some research for some more obscure authors though, just so I can retain my "cool" status...

OK, I Guess This is Getting Ridiculous

2005-08-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

I'll stop making promises, because obviously I am incapable of keeping them. I haven't posted when I said I would, but I have been doing some good background work (I promise!)

1) Banal Things - Today: Coffee Mugs
I don't really have a lot to say about coffee mugs other than that when googling "stupid coffee mugs" I found a site called demotivators which made me happier than I have been in a while. I was wondering when people would get to mocking those unbelievable boring (and insulting) motivational posters and mugs (other than deep thoughts). Wonder no more.

2) Cheese - Today: Car Sitting
Cheese has learned that if you sit on the very top part of a car and stand up whenever anyone goes by that they'll pay you more attention (or feel badly for you, either way you get a lot of petting). Apparently he's been doing a lot of it - I went to sit on my porch the other day and our next door neighbours (who didn't know we were there) were calling to him to get him off someone's car. Then they started arguing about whether or not he would make it across the street without being run over, and finally the teenage boy in the front yard ended up yelling at his sister on the balcony to stop calling him or the "poor thing will get confused and try to get up on the balcony". What I love is that they think his name is Cheesers, because I never really call him Cheese anymore. I guess they never heard me call him Cheesebucket.

3) BHIE - As if you need any more proof.

4) Books - This Week In Books (or at least in my books)
Well I've been reading a weird cross-section of books I guess. I'm still working my way through all of Murikami's stuff (just finished Dance, Dance, Dance) which of course is wonderful. I also read the new Harry Potter book because it was free and there and I knew it would go quickly. Right now I'm reading another Murikami (The Wind-up Bird Chronicle) and something called Bimbos of the Death Sun or something. A Sci-Fi mystery a friend suggested when she realised just how fully geeky I am. As I start to read it I can't tell if I should be offended. I've decided I won't be, as a book is a book is a book (and never a cigar) . I'm not sure what will be next though.

Well that's it for today... here's something for you happy place (sorry - don't click!)

Getting My Sh*t Together ... or this is IT man

2005-07-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

Aside from posting various street art, I would also like to focus on my other interests:

1. Making a big deal out of banal things (like catering?)
2. How cute my cat cheese is (when he isn’t chasing birds into our bedroom at 6am)
3. Being hilarious AND extremely intelligent
4. Books (being extremely intelligent I have excellent taste in books)

I won’t talk about music, because there are MANY MANY MANY MANY people who do that very well already, and I don’t want to make a fool of myself.

So, here goes:

1. Today’s banal subject: Balls
No, not those kind of balls grosso. I mean bouncy balls, balls for bouncing etc. I keep a red, blue and white-striped ball at my desk for leaning against for massage. No, not that kind of massage – get your grosso mind out of the gutter! The thing about bouncy balls is this: bouncy balls offer ideal activity opportunities for all ages – bouncing, throwing and other CRAZY activities (like ball-swallowing!?!) Crazy motherfuckers also do things with balls that I won’t even touch on (*cough*ball-snuggling*cough*), but balls are a reflection of our innocence, and I think that’s where we should leave the fuckers.

thanks southwestern balloons for making balloon balls.

2. Cheese
Cheese my (unbelievably cute, entertaining and somewhat retarded) cat is trying his hand (paw?) at the house invasion business. Since we don’t sense his need to come in at all times (when at work, at parties, just don’t give a shit etc.) , and had to lock the cat door against evil raccoons (wait for THAT story), Cheese now retaliates by embarrassing us in front of the whole neighbourhood. Cheese now sleeps in my next-door-but-one neighbour’s closet. With other cats. What a slut. He does, however, come home to eat.

3. BHAEI
See above 1 & 2

4. Books: Murakami
I like Murakami, but I think everyone knows about him already. I’ll look for something different tonight, but to tide you over Murakami rocks and if you haven’t read him already you’re not as with it as I am.

street art

2005-07-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

ok, so I've been really pathetic about keeping this blog up, but since I'm the only one who reads it, I don't feel too badly about it. I have, however, found something I'd like to do with this blog, that will allow me to be more consistent in posting to it. I have to admit that I've stolen the idea from cityrag, but since New York and Vancouver are very different (see my "shit i won't ever get free stuff" post) I figure it won't hurt if I enter the "Street Art Posting" game.

Vancouver is actually home to some pretty good street art (I was going to say awesome, but couldn't make myself go through with it), not that I have anything to do with it. I sure appreciate it though. I'm positive someone's already posting it, but hey, I want to too, so there.

I can't post any today, but I'll publish this now, so you hordes out there will be SO excited to check in right away...

Oh and by the way, my cooless report for today is as follows (and I quote):
I sold an *awesome* (there I did it) red 80s prom dress to a girl across the street who was sitting naked on her apartment window ledge. Bet you haven't done that lately.

back from holiday

2005-04-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

hello all,

it's nice saying that, knowing that no-one at all is reading this blog... Anyway, I'm back, after this fabulous "holiday" ie not being able to type because I broke my wrist. But I can now, and we all must suffer because of it.

Things I am happy about today:
1. I'm going to the beach after work
2. I'm planning on ditching work early
3. I'm secretly blogging on work time, therefore am being paid to fuck around
4. it's sunny, warm and I painted my toenails last night

Things I am not happy about (Generally):
1. papa razi. Last thing we need right now is another ultraconservative gay-bashing mysoginist in a position of power.
2. this weekend isn't a long weekend
3. it's not 5 yet.

so really, things aren't too bad these days. I get to work on our new house, and be in the garden (now that all the reno garbage is gone! yay!), and have nice sunny evenings with gin and tonics. just like I always aimed for...

yup, now that summer's on it's way things are looking up. I'm sure on monday morning I'll be singing a different tune, but for now be happy I'm not complaining all over the place...

snif

2005-03-14T16:07:00.000-08:00

ok, here's your f*cking update, you know, where I tell you how cool I am?

How about not. At all. Cool, that is.

A week and a half ago I was rollerskating to work (that's cool, isn't it?) and I fell. And broke my wrist. I had to have surgery!

So, now we all know that in fact, I am actually quite lame.

oh well!

Vancouver, NY

2005-03-02T14:28:00.000-08:00

I was trying to think of how I could use this blog to get me some cool stuff, since I'm so cool and all, but then I realised that Vancouver just isn't the same as NY. Sh*t! No one is going to email me offering me hot outfits to wear to the Marine Club!

Maybe I should become a DJ.

I'll probably need to get some new music. Anyone want to send me some "examples" of their work so that I can you know, plan for my gigs and shit? Or maybe some CDs you thought were good? (no collect postage please)

hmm. ok, so I think I have to give up on the cool free stuff. What else are you supposed to get for being really cool and writing a blog? I don't really feel up to the google ads stuff. Too complicated. Maybe I need to prove my coolness for the offers to start coming in.

Next Time on pony: pony describes just how cool she is, and why. STAY TUNED!

Here I am admitting that I'm not cool. That's SO not cool.

2005-02-24T17:08:00.000-08:00

Right now I am working my regular nine to five job, renovating my house and designing the lights for a small show. It's not supposed to be too much, because it's a small show, but it kind of is. Just because it exists and is in my mind. What I really want to be doing right now is smoking a joint, playing some video games or watching tv, and drinking some bad beer. None of which really fit well with my picture of myself - some sort of erudite well-read hottie with fabulous hobbies and unbelievably good taste (in everything). Ah well, if you can't let yourself down, how do you expect to let others down (constantly?).
I like wines. Specifically red wines; nothern italian, south african, chilean and spanish. Some BC wines just for the ol' patriot in me. I used to only like whites, and now I can't drink them. I think it was from drinking too much cheap white wine early on in university. But then, I've always drunk too much of everything, so in theory I should be unable to consume alcohol.
What else was I going to say. Oh yeah, my shouder hurts. don't know why. lahdidah.

Well, that's day three. look at me! being consistent! (ly boring that is...)

mix-tapes

2005-02-23T14:03:00.000-08:00

OK, here's something interesting to talk about: mix-tapes.

Right now I'm listening to a mix tape (CD) I made for a job I was doing once where we needed "party" music. Since I have a personal issue with most "party" music, I made a CD of what I would want to hear. Mostly because I could, and get a way with it too. On this tape? Here we go:

Waterboys, Bjork, Belle and Sebastien, Penguin Cafe Orchestra, Electralene, Elliot Smith, Death Cab for Cutie, Pavement, Bobby Bland, the Jayhawks, 5678s, Ella Fitzgerald, Janis Joplin, Flaming Lips, Chris Isaac and Kate Bush.

Ha! Party music! That's what happens if you put ME in charge...

Interesting bands that have either just come back into my head or come across my desk for the first time lately:

Brian Jonestown Massacre (from watching Dig!)
Arcade Fire. Don't know what I think of them yet, haven't been able to listen to much, but I like some of the footage from their shows.
Camera Obscura. Ok this is an old one, but I'm re-experiencing it lately, and liking it...
Feist. Shockingly, I had no idea she was big until I heard her Let it Die Cd in Chapters. I really didn't know! But I still like the album. I've gotten over the "they're not cool unless no one knows about them" syndrome of my early 20s.

Well, here we go, now I feel like I'm getting into it... I do have interests after all...

Day 2, the Second Night Blues

2005-02-23T11:02:00.000-08:00

So, it's the second day, and I think I might be suffering from second night blues. No hype of opening, no relief of closing. No flowers etc. Also, I think I might not have that much to say today. At least, not much of import.

Last night I went to Bo Kong for my best friend's birthday dinner. A vegetarian chinese food place pretty famous here in Vancouver for providing gluten and other fabulous fake meats. Although there were too many of us, it was a really nice night. When I mouthed happy birthday to H* across the table, her neighbour thought I said "I'm pregnant" which then somehow turned into "we're getting married" so after the congratulations finished I had to let everyone down (again, I know). At least it made A* blush, which is always entertaining.

Anyway, I haven't really decided how I feel about names etc. I guess I first need to decide why I'm writing this, and who it's meant for. Until then, please forgive me for the cheesy [redacted] style...

This will probably do for now. Oh! except I forgot to tell you about C*, my beautiful orange kitty. He plays a fairly large role in my life, so I thought I should introduce him. He's a little over a year old, and unBEARably cute. Very affectionate and quite clumsy. As time goes on I hope to include some artsy photos of him.

Also look forward to descriptions of the house A* and I just bought in Strathcona. We're pretty proud of it, so get ready for some bragging.

I think I'm going to get into the comic book style : NEXT TIME announcements. Because they're fun.

On Paris and the Sun

2005-02-22T14:18:00.000-08:00

As this is my very first posting, I'm going to start with something simple - a quick description of my day. Starting a little late (meant to be up at 7:30, really got up at 8:15) I was a little rushed to make it to work on time, but I did. Which is rare. I won't talk about work at all, since I think most people will find that tediously boring. So, here are some of the things I did at work which were not work-related:
1) Read more about Paris and her hacked sidekick. Really enjoyed the "blind item" approach to guessing what the hell half her entries meant. What I enjoyed most? Photos of her making out with another woman, and her "canoodling" with a skunk. I assume she leaked most of this herself, but that's just my cynical side talking...
2) Started this blog.
3) Thought about how fabulously sunny it is here in Vancouver, and how odd that is.
4) Thought about how to actually make this blog at all interesting.

Well I guess that's enough for a first attempt. Hopefully the next time I post I will have something of interest to contribute.

pony

OK So I'm Back and Noone Cares

WTF?

Katie Holmes Married a Garden Gnome

snif

My Thoughts are of Trumpets

Telecommunications and Hampster Tipping

My Sis

New Directions [puke]

I'm Back. Kind of.

Holy Grumpmaster

It's All About CHEESE

Crap

Yay! Street Art!

Cheese, Shitter Extraordinaire

OK, I Guess This is Getting Ridiculous

Getting My Sh*t Together ... or this is IT man

street art

back from holiday

*snif*

Vancouver, NY

Here I am admitting that I'm not cool. That's SO not cool.

mix-tapes

Day 2, the Second Night Blues

On Paris and the Sun

snif